About Patty Ellis

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So far Patty Ellis has created 39 blog entries.

The Golfer and the Porn Star

I was staying at a VERY REPUTABLE Orlando hotel prior to my morning flight and went down to the bar to watch Sunday Night Football.  John sat down next to me.  We hit it off and were chatting when a woman sat down on the other side of him.

The two of us were so different I wondered if we were members of the same species!   She was tattooed from head to toe.  How did I know from head to toe?  Because her skin was visible pretty much from head to toe.  I was wearing a sweater, Dockers, sweat socks, and loafers.

She was wearing stilettos that hurt my ankles just to look at.

Two of her tattoos were very prominent: two skull tattoos right above her… uh, um, bosom.  Now, that’s not a word that has ever made it onto this website.  I […]

The Golfer and the Porn Star2019-04-28T11:19:29-04:00

A Silver Lining

I knew something was wrong as soon as I saw my sagging travel golf bag on the baggage carousel.  I opened up the bag and the driver head fell out, then my seven iron head, then…  “Crummy Airlines USA” had snapped every club in my bag.  In fact, the devastation was so total, even the golf bag itself, the one inside the travel bag, had its spine broken.  Insert sobbing sound here.

There’s a reason my clubs were 25 years old – I loved them!  If my sand wedge were human, I would have dated it.  And like salt in my wounds, they destroyed my clubs on the way down to Florida, not on the way back up.  In fact, I was going straight from the airport to play the PGA National Championship Course with one of my favorite golfing buddies.  She was able to […]

A Silver Lining2019-04-28T13:57:58-04:00

Non-confrontation Confrontations

My last blogpost, The Confrontation, was about a crazy man attacking my friend Butch because Butch accidentally hit into him.  Here are some similar situations which, thankfully, didn’t have quite the same level of aggression.

HARRY:  In my normal weekday game, we try to play in the first group because, even in the 2nd group, it’s possible to get stuck behind slow players.  This happened to us one morning.  The right thing for the group in front of us to have done was let us play through.  Doing so is actually written right into the Rules of Golf – page 4 no less!  But nooooooooooo, they just weren’t going to be that considerate, so we were stuck behind them.  And it’s not like they didn’t know we were waiting for them because, on the 9th green, one yelled back at us “Slow […]

Non-confrontation Confrontations2019-04-28T14:09:11-04:00

The Confrontation

If you read my blogpost “Butch,” you know that Butch is one of my favorite friends.  He’s a good golfer and just an all-around great guy.  And, unlike yours truly, he ALWAYS keeps his composure.  Also important to this story:  Butch is 6’2” and former military.

Last week, we were on a short par 4.  After the group in front of us (a twosome – one in his 50’s, one a rather short man of about 75) got onto the green, Butch teed off.  Ooops, the hole was a lot shorter than Butch thought because when he striped his tee shot, it rolled onto the green.

It was a mistake for which Butch wanted to apologize, but the 75 year-old went into a rage.  SOM (Scary Old Man), started waving his arms frantically and screaming at us.  Then he ran (as fast as a […]

The Confrontation2019-04-28T13:45:49-04:00

Bucket List? This Was Sucket List

Rebecca and I took a recent trip to Florida and I had one day to play golf in the Miami area.  Who knew Miami golf was so expensive?   OK, maybe you knew, but I didn’t.  The course closest to our hotel (which I saw from the street but looked unimpressive) was $300.  Then there was the “famous” course but that was $400.  I asked the concierge if the price included Hamilton tickets.

So I played a course about an hour outside of the city that charged $45.   Silly me.

I got to the first tee but the grass was so overgrown I couldn’t figure out the direction of the hole.  And I don’t mean I was wondering if it was straight or a dogleg – I mean, which way did the Tee Box face?

But I spotted the group in front of me and hit a decent drive in the fairway; this […]

Bucket List? This Was Sucket List2019-04-28T14:42:43-04:00

Rooting for the Cubs

cubsI heard a sportscaster say he was tired of all the “fair-weather Cubs fans”.  So I had to ask myself, geeesh, is that all I am — a fair-weather Cubs fan?

If you read my Tribute To Dad blog, you know I’m a life-long Mets fan.   But I’ve been having an “affair” with the Chicago Cubs.  I’ll admit it’s partly because I went to a Chicago Gay Pride Parade where not only did The Cubs send a float, but their representative was Ernie Banks, “Mr. Cub” himself.  WOW.

But that’s not the real reason for my love affair.  In fact, it’s not really the team I’m in love with, it’s the fans.  If you know baseball, you know Cubs fans are renowned for being special.  First off, they’re good sports.  Wrigley is one of the few stadiums where opposing team fans […]

Rooting for the Cubs2019-04-28T14:55:56-04:00

I Made a Mistake

I made a mistakeI Made a Mistake

I’m not perfect.  If you know me personally you already know that!   A few months ago I made a mistake.  I apologized immediately, but I still felt bad about it.

I had a hard time letting it go.  Should I apologize again?  Have I done enough to make up for it?  Was there anything else I could do or say?  I’m pretty good at feeling guilty – thanks mom and dad for my Roman Catholic upbringing.  I’m not a practicing Catholic anymore, but Roman Catholic guilt?  That never leaves you.

And I might have stayed in this guilt abyss even longer had I not made a really bad shot while playing golf.

&!%$# – what a bad chip!  And chipping is the best part of my game (it’s all relative) so I was extra mad at myself.  But […]

I Made a Mistake2019-04-28T14:57:59-04:00

Prejudice:  Golf Once Again Proves It’s a Microcosm of Life. 

Prejudice2My friend Bill and I were paired with two strangers on The Red Course at Bethpage.  The round was excruciatingly slow.  When we got to the 8th green, we could see the group on the 11th tee box had 4 – yes, you read that right, 4 – holes open in front of them.  And the group behind them wasn’t pushing them, so we knew they were just as slow.

Joe, one of the strangers we were paired with, said, “It’s the Koreans that make golf so slow.”  I asked, “What Koreans?”  He said, “It’s always the Koreans”.   I said, pointing to the group on the 11th tee box, “But those are 4 white guys”.  Then I added, pointing to the second slow group “And those are 4 white guys.”

But he wouldn’t give up.  In fact, he got testy and shot back, […]

Prejudice:  Golf Once Again Proves It’s a Microcosm of Life. 2019-04-28T15:05:13-04:00