I’m writing this drunk.
It took forty-four FRIKKIN, FRACKIN (and that other F word) years but I finally got a Hole in One. I had given up hope. I’ve had to watch so many of my shots ALMOST GO IN that I deliberately stopped hoping.
How many, you ask? There was one that ended up, literally, half an inch from the hole. Then there was one where the stranger I was playing with started yelling, “that’s in the hole, that’s in the hole!” Nope. Once, on my all-time favorite hole, the 8th at Bethpage Black, we were all yelling, “Go in!! Go in!!! Son-of-a……”
And how could I forget the time I hit a shot to a green that wasn’t visible. Friends were near the green watching, so while I couldn’t see my ball, I could hear them, thus making this particular episode of misery audial instead of visual.
They started yelling WHOA
Then it got to a louder WHOA
Then finally a very loud WHOA
Only to end with the predictable Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
“Patty, it rolled right over the hole.” Uh huh.
BUT THERE WAS NO DISAPPOINTMENT TODAY!!
It was a 101-yard shot. I hit it well and knew it would be on the green, but a mound hid the hole so I couldn’t see it. My friend Terry hit a good shot, too, but we thought his might have rolled over the green. So, when we got there and saw only one ball, 10 feet from the hole, we both assumed it was mine.
I always put a smiley-face on my golf ball, but the one on the green didn’t have a smiley-face. This made my real face frown.
“Where the heck is my ball? Is it over the green? Don’t tell me it’s short!”
“I know where it is,” Terry said. I turned around to see him smiling, pointing at the hole.
I realize I’m using lots of exclamation points and capitals, but hey, I’m feeling VERY EXCLAMATING AND CAPITAL!!
The icing on this great day was that I got to share it Terry. Terry and I only met because we passed each other outside a pro shop and he looked familiar to me. I asked him, “haven’t we played together?” He said no, but he introduced himself, “Hi, I’m Terry Bean.”
Couple that with a single-digit handicap and it was gay platonic love at first sight!
So, what did gay icon, great friend, single-digit handicap Terry do during one of the happiest moments of my life? He pulled out his phone and took THIS VIDEO. So now I can watch, and re-watch, and re-watch, and re-watch, and re-watch, the happy moment whenever I want.
But nothing is going to make me happier than the next time some stranger asks, “Have you ever had a hole in one?” I will no longer have to sullenly reply, “Well, I’ve had three eagles,” or “Well, I’ve had really close calls.” Now I can say “YUP, SHADOW RIDGE IN PALM DESERT, #4!!!”
And I’ll say it with lots of capitals and exclamation points.