I hope you enjoyed my initial COVID piece, Golf in the Coronavirus Era. Now that we’ve been dealing with this for 5 months, I thought I’d share some follow-up COVID Golf thoughts.
First off, I discovered that my ears are small and sit high on my head. Who knew? Who cared? But “small” and “high” aren’t good qualities for ears when they’re being used to wear facemasks. Instead of covering my nose and mouth, facemasks cover my eyes. And my inadequately-sized ears are useless when it comes to keeping a facemask on my head!
Speaking of… here’s something we never used to see on golf courses – facemask litter. There’s no way I’m being the thoughtful player and picking them up – yuck!
Then there’s “money laundering.” I used to think this was the process of investing illegally earned money into a legitimate business. Turns out, no, that’s not it. It’s the process of using Lysol to wipe down the $10 bill I just got as change from the pro shop.
And how about those televised COVID-Safe golf tournaments? To date, I’ve heard three F Bombs. Kevin Na at The Colonial, and both Phil Mickelson and Justin Thomas at the PGA Championship. Thomas’, “You got to be F*&^%ing kidding me” had the most flair.
And I just loved the Mickelson, Woods, Manning & Brady match. Where else can you see Tom Brady, the all-time greatest NFL Quarterback, split his pants while hitting a perfect 100-yard shot right into the hole? Can’t you just see the Mastercard commercial? “Cost of Tom Brady’s pants, $300. Watching them split on National TV? Priceless.”
Lastly, I discovered COVID Outlaw Golf. When all golf courses were closed, my friend Terry and I played “Outlaw Golf”: For 5 consecutive days, we hopped a fence onto a closed course and, with just one club so we wouldn’t be conspicuous, played all 18 holes. My best score was a 94 and I’m damn proud of it. Ever use a 6-iron to get out of a greenside bunker? Me either.
I wish everyone health, safety and great golf, and hopefully I’ll be writing a piece called “Remember COVID?” really soon.