I hope you enjoyed my initial COVID piece, Golf in the Coronavirus Era. Now that we’ve been dealing with this for 5 months, I thought I’d share some follow-up COVID Golf thoughts.
First off, I discovered that my ears are small and sit high on my head. Who knew? Who cared? But “small” and “high” aren’t good qualities for ears when they’re being used to wear facemasks. Instead of covering my nose and mouth, facemasks cover my eyes. And my inadequately-sized ears are useless when it comes to keeping a facemask on my head!
Speaking of… here’s something we never used to see on golf courses – facemask litter. There’s no way I’m being the thoughtful player and picking them up – yuck!
Then there’s “money laundering.” I used to think this was the process of investing illegally earned money into a legitimate business. Turns out, no, that’s not it. It’s the process of using Lysol to wipe down the $10 bill I just got as change from the pro shop.
And how about those televised COVID-Safe golf tournaments? To date, I’ve heard three F Bombs. Kevin Na at The Colonial, and both Phil Mickelson and Justin Thomas at the PGA Championship. Thomas’, “You got to be F*&^%ing kidding me” had the most flair.
And I just loved the Mickelson, Woods, Manning & Brady match. Where else can you see Tom Brady, the all-time greatest NFL Quarterback, split his pants while hitting a perfect 100-yard shot right into the hole? Can’t you just see the Mastercard commercial? “Cost of Tom Brady’s pants, $300. Watching them split on National TV? Priceless.”
Lastly, I discovered COVID Outlaw Golf. When all golf courses were closed, my friend Terry and I played “Outlaw Golf”: For 5 consecutive days, we hopped a fence onto a closed course and, with just one club so we wouldn’t be conspicuous, played all 18 holes. My best score was a 94 and I’m damn proud of it. Ever use a 6-iron to get out of a greenside bunker? Me either.
I wish everyone health, safety and great golf, and hopefully I’ll be writing a piece called “Remember COVID?” really soon.
Terrific!
Thank you Ronnie!!
Outlaw golf, hilarious!!
And you know me better than anyone…. I don’t do anything “outlaw”!!!
Thanks, this was funny! And nope – I’ve never used a 6 iron for anything. 😆
Spoken valiantly as the non-golfer you are! 🙂
Another fun read! Thanks.
Thanks Phyllis!!
Hi Patty! Loved your comment about your ears! I on the other had have small ears that are love so I constantly have wardrobe malfunction with the ear bands falling off!!!
Miss you!!!
I’m not convinced I’ve ever really looked at my ears until they had to hold facemasks, Bobbie!!!
You are such a rebel!! LOL!!🤣🤣
Right????????????? And I don’t do 55 mph on the LIE, either!!
Excellent commentary Patty! Next time you fence hop, let me know!
Why, will you lend me your badge????
Very funny Patty! But how do you take a 6 iron and not a 7? I thought we learned from Tin Cup that you can play a round with a 7!
Man, you have a good memory, Steve! I took the 6 thinking I could putt better with it.
Absolutely entertaining as you are Patty. The little details you notice to make us laugh. After reading this piece I immediately went to the mirror and checked out my ears!!! Lol miss you and look forward to the day we can play a round of golf together
How are your ears Jackie?????? Are we both inflicted with the “little and high anti-facemask ear syndrome”?
Fun stuff … as always! I’m gonna pass your page along to my father-in-law, who was an avid golfer until health issues came along. Hope to see you both soon!
Thank you Cathy!!! I hope he enjoys it.
Great post, Patty. It’s a new day and age because of this virus, sadly. Stay safe.
It sure is, Gino.
Love that you fiound a way to make the best out of a bad situation. You go girl.
I’m personally lucky that golf is the one thing (maybe the only thing) that’s prospering during Covid.