War on the Bethpage Black Course

gladiatorsIf you’ve played the Black Course at Bethpage, you know it can take a long time.  When there are slow players in front of you, it can be agonizing.

Jim, Bill, Greg and I were in this agonized state when, after 5 hours, we were only on the 15th hole.  The slow foursome was two groups in front of us.  Jim had already yelled out at them on the 10th hole to play faster, but they had ignored him.

Let me make sure I’m setting up this war story clearly:  They’re the bad guys, we’re the good guys.

The 15th hole goes due north.  The 16th hole comes back due south right alongside the 15th.  Because this group was so slow, we were passing them where the two holes come very close together.

Jim yelled out again, “You guys are holding up the whole course, pick up the pace!”  One of them yelled back, “F*&^ you!”  That was all it took.  With fifteen holes of frustration boiling over in him, Jim grabbed a club out of his bag and started running toward them. Then Bill and Greg grabbed clubs and starting running with him. Then the bad guys did the same thing!  There they were – 7 men with golf clubs in hand running toward each other – Golfing Gladiators!

Where was I?  FROZEN.  I literally just stood near my bag with my mouth open.  Never in my life have I felt so feminine.  Fight?  I’ve been known to have an attitude, but fight?  I don’t think so.  Although I must have had some sort of primal fight or flight instinct, because I did grab my 7-iron – but my feet never moved.

And then… nothing happened.  The seven of them got to within 30 yards of each other, screaming their heads off, with clubs in hand, but in the end no one was crazy enough to take the first swing.  Thank goodness.

At a much later time I was able to close my mouth, walk, then finally, unclench my 7-iron.

Private course members, see what you’re missing!



  1. Tina October 29, 2015 at 9:14 pm - Reply

    OMG- too funny and scary at the same time! Thanks for sharing…I think ?

  2. Barbara October 29, 2015 at 10:18 pm - Reply

    U should have called the front office i would have taken care,of it! !!!

    • Patty Ellis October 30, 2015 at 12:33 pm - Reply

      It may have been PB (pre-Barbara). It was a very long time ago – over 20 years. NOW???? I’m calling you!

  3. Sherri October 30, 2015 at 6:47 am - Reply

    Where is ranger mcgruff when you need him?

  4. Linda October 30, 2015 at 7:42 am - Reply

    Tell the truth…did this really happen! You are such a great writer….I can never tell fact from fiction.

    • Patty Ellis October 30, 2015 at 12:36 pm - Reply

      You’re not the first person to ask this, but yes, it happened. It’s under the “you can’t make this stuff up” category.

  5. Diane October 30, 2015 at 8:37 am - Reply

    Omg, gladiators!!!!! I’m still laughing!

  6. Casey October 31, 2015 at 12:53 pm - Reply

    Instead of Jim, Bill and Greg, I’m thinking Mac, Paulie and Nails. Of course if it happened today, the other guys would pull clubs, our guys would pull badges and sidearms!

  7. Debra November 1, 2015 at 5:21 pm - Reply

    So very funny.

  8. Brook Lau November 10, 2015 at 6:04 pm - Reply

    Whole new meaning to fight club…

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