Special Advice to Women Golfers

poison-ivy-summer-6-14-14-6Over the years, I’ve discovered that playing golf with men has some subtle, yet significant, differences from playing golf with women. Here’s some advice for female golfers out with men:

Men spit.  Almost all spitting men are courteous, but once I was walking down the fairway enjoying the scenery when… Bammo!  I was hopping over incoming projectile saliva.  Keep an eye out.

If you’re playing with three men and you don’t see one, don’t look for him.  He’s in the woods – and he’s not looking for his golf ball.  I found this out the hard way.  “Hey, where’s Bob??”  Oh.

Speaking of woods, there may come a time when even you, who may have never considered it, might need to use Nature’s Ladies Room.   This is already an unpleasant experience, but I have three pieces of advice to make it bearable:

1)  Face uphill – I made this mistake once, it wasn’t pretty,

2)  There isn’t tile but there IS poison ivy – a mistake I haven’t made and don’t intend to.  “Leaves of Three, leave them be.”


Lastly, there’s a special, unwritten but universally known rule which covers what a man must do if his drive doesn’t reach the women’s tee box.  I can’t explain it here – this is a Family Friendly blog – but be forewarned.



  1. Patrice Franco August 18, 2015 at 7:38 pm - Reply

    After swearing to always be a lady and not use Nature’s ladies room … The inevitable time had come. My excuse for dropping my glove did not fly … So be warned – Fess Up and be proud … for this is not as easy to do as it is for men 🙂

  2. Sue Rosenberg August 18, 2015 at 8:22 pm - Reply

    That was fun

  3. Al JInete August 18, 2015 at 8:50 pm - Reply

    Very important…If mother nature blind sides you with a must go situation…and you know what I mean, you must look for a tree and lean your back into it. You will avoid a messy situation. Lol.

    • Patty Ellis August 18, 2015 at 9:00 pm - Reply

      Nice Al. And here I thought that I was being blunt! And you can thank me for not using a certain photo I have of you that would have fit this blogpost too perfectly!!

  4. Casey August 18, 2015 at 9:47 pm - Reply

    Some guys think the golf course has an invisible force field around it. Guess what? People on the other side of the fence can actually SEE you!

  5. susan pickering August 19, 2015 at 7:46 am - Reply

    I always think of a certain girlfriend as I stand on the tee box of #7 @ Crabby looking at the treeline, to which she always made her beeline. LOL

  6. Diane August 19, 2015 at 4:07 pm - Reply

    Glad I now know the pee protocol!! Funny! Being a non-golfer, I’m really curious to know what the “universal rule” is!!!

  7. Steve August 20, 2015 at 8:56 am - Reply

    I was wondering if we’d see a blog about the DO rule. Definitely the best argument for allowing one mulligan per round. But only one. If you’re a repeat offender, you just have to accept your fate. And if you’re willing to use it when it’s not absolutely necessary simply for your score, well …

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